Category: Diary
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Superhero
Tomorrow, tomorrow, I’m having surgery tomorrow. Two weeks and six days ago I found out I have an interloper trying to take over my body. Tomorrow – three weeks after finding this jerk – it will be removed. I may not officially know for seven to ten business days if it’s completely gone. Dr. B.…
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Redefining
I don’t want to talk about cancer today. Today I am choosing to live as I did on July 21. With confidence in my body. With the knowledge that I was healthy, and while I needed to lose weight, I was already taking literal steps. When distractions were external. When I believed my increased heart…
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Today was a good day
Yesterday was a good day. Today has been, too. For the most part. Mom and dad left yesterday morning, and while I was sad to see them go, I was grateful they dropped everything to come take care of me. They were the love, care, and distraction I needed. They took a bit of pressure…
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Fear
I’m sitting on my deck after midnight and I’m freaking out. The cicadas are doing their thing and there’s one cricket who is losing his mind and all I can think is SING IT BROTHER. SCREAM FOR ME, TOO. I’m doing OK. Until I’m not. In the morning my parents head back home. Friday I…
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Reality Check
Today was a reality check. A brutal, devastating, unwanted reality check. In the eight days since learning I have cancer, not once did I seriously entertain the idea that I might lose my breast. I’ve heard of mastectomies, of course. My grandmother had one. I’ve been added to a couple of Facebook groups and they’re…
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Cood Swings
I don’t know where to start or what to feel. I’m angry. I’m patient. I’m sad. I’m hopeful. I’m scared. I’m optimistic. I’m frustrated. I’m confident. I feel lost. Can I beat this? Yes. Yes! I don’t want surgery. I’m scared of chemotherapy and radiation. I want to avoid them, if I can. I’m avoiding…