Thirty-six hours from now I’ll be getting my first chemotherapy treatment and my life will change forever. That’s nothing new, I guess. Life changes forever with every moment. This time is different. This is going to be a drastic change. Seismic. I have so many thoughts. Fears. Hopes? Mostly fears. Of the unknown. Of the […]
Six Gorgeous Words
Eight lymph nodes, negative for carcinoma. Six musical, magical words. Would you look at them? Aren’t they beautiful? I want to see them again. Eight lymph nodes, negative for carcinoma. Six beautiful words, delightful words, words that bring light and gaiety and renewed hope. A levity. A face full of grins, and eyes filled with […]
The Next Step
“Plastic tape is pure evil.” Jim said that as he gently, carefully, pulled tape from my body. As gently and carefully as he could, anyway. He’d dab an alcohol wipe on the part that was still connected to my skin, then hold the flesh as he separated the adhesive-coated plastic. Occasionally I’d gasp and he’d […]
Bad news
“Treatment 2 or 3 – that’s when you say Holy Shit – excuse my language.” “That’s OK. I’ve used much stronger words today.” Today is when I learned I’ll be having surgery. Then I’ll be having chemo. Then I’ll be having radiation. Then I’ll take a pill for five years. Chemo. Chemotherapy. Approximately four weeks […]
This is just a circumstance
Dad commented the other day that the waiting had to be driving me crazy. He said that it would him. Yes, yes, I responded. That’s the hardest part. Not knowing what the next step is and having no control over when I’ll find out. After we hung up the thought that it’s the lack of […]
To Have, and to Have Not
I’m having surgery again. Dr. B. told me this could happen. Told me it probably would happen. When we talked about the pros and cons of a mastectomy versus a lumpectomy, one of the cons of the latter was that there’s a high probability I would need a second surgery. And I do. We’ll meet […]